Apparently his owners had forgot to put all the necessary details on his collar

Almost a month after he was reported as missing, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg was at last found in number 10 Downing Street late last night. It seems for the duration of his abcense he'd been tethered to David Cameron's kitchen sink, forced to make the Tory leader endless cups of tea while surviving on small scraps of peasants that fell from the table.

A search party had been sent out some two weeks prior to his location, but all attempts had failed. One of the rescue workers, Sean Ripley had this to say: "We all thought he'd be up Cameron's arse, it just seemed to make sense. I spent a week in that colon, telling myself "the next corner, he's just around the next corner", one of us actually died doing it, poor bastard. And then to find Dave knew where he was all along, well, had I not been so impressed he could still walk after what we had just done to him I'd have been fuming."

He later added, "I think he just fancied the attention."

David Cameron has already been reprimanded, and after a slap on the wrist his license to keep animals was taken away by the RSPCA.

Police reports sugest Clegg was mere minutes away from being presumed dead. An emergency sympathy hamper was already en route to his wife and family when the news broke. Personally supplied by the No-Ammo team it contained several funeral lubes and a nurses outfit his wife would look great in. The rest was mainly padded out by fruit and a gift certificate for WHSmiths, though a couple of well oiled black guys in banana hammocks did sneak their way into the bottom.