As dawn breaks this morning, millions of teenagers up and down Britain (and maybe the odd paedo-rape murderer who wants to wet their whistle one last time before the start of the school year) will be waiting anxiously, unable to sleep, pant wettingly paranoid, probably sitting in this very chair typing these very words, terrified at the very real prospect that everything may not just all work out for the best.

Reports are yet to confirm it, but critics are expecting a failure of epic proportions, with only some snot-nosed private school lads and the odd tosspot on a media degree achieving anything higher than a D. Not that this reporter's mindlessly blaming his own securities on the faceless mass of other students, who for all we know may or may not be tosspots. But what is certain is that should I fail to get the grades, things will burn.

Which isn't too bad really, it'll provide an excellent news story for me to cover, and unless you're one of the many thousand I personally set on fire, Pimms and blow jobs all round.

You want some kind of actual journalism? Uhh..

Anyway, newspapers have already leapt on the wagon, the BBC already turning a story round about the grades before they've even come out. Here at No-Ammo we're not so laissez faire.

Instead here's a picture of a chameleon playing table tennis:

Enjoy.