Seven out of ten bulls can't even remember what a real cow looks like.

Almost immediately after the Food Standards Agency confirmed this morning that milk from the offspring of cloned cows had been sold in UK shops, frustrated bulls up and down the length and breadth of the country were up in arms, well, legs, furious at being denied years of steamy x-rated cow luvin.

Already being dubbed among protesters as the "poontang that never was", this revelation has dealt a damning blow to the EU, as decades of careful cow-human relations were torn assunder overnight, and human popularity among the bovine proletariat hit a new 10 year low.

Suspicions had been raised initially when bulls realised that for all their being outnumbered by the females 50 to 1 and dying at the hands of the Spanish, they were still only getting it once a year, and occasionally on birthdays.

Though it seems they had let this transgression slide, convincing themselves the cows were merely playing hard to get, and that the 6ft electric fences separating them from an afternoon tumble in the long grass was just animal feminism, which had started gaining popularity in the late 70's, taking its toll.

Having been reduced to sniffing the milkman for over a decade the bulls were udderstandably outraged when the news broke this morning. Though to retain some dignity they tactfully held back from openly venting their sexual frustrations, and instead hid behind the veneer of disagreeing with the practice of cloning itself.

Stammons, a bull from Hertfordshire, said: "Despite the Christian doctrine teaching that cows do not have souls, and are just stomach fodder for the hordes of unwashed mouthbreathers you call humans, I take my, uh, faith, very seriously. God is the one who's against cloning isn't he? Or was it Allah .. maybe Krishna? Hmm, is it alright if I go back to the field and rethink this one?''

Sadly, before we had the chance to reinterview him, Stammons was shot through the head with a bolt gun, combined with some rusk and shipped off to the Iceland Value Range. And besides that, it was really hard getting a chance to interview him in the first place anyway, what with all the paparazzi vying to get a piece of "the amazing talking cow". Idiots.

The bovine community is of yet to take formal action, but its expected that they will have made the first move before the week is out. Though initial reports are still quite sketchy, the threat of a cow voting bloc turning the next election is quickly becoming a definite possibility.

The government aren't too worried though, because cows can't vote.